I know it seedms like I'm doing a lot for something that you may not think I'm passionate about. That's where I say HA! I am passionate about this, and I feel like this self affirmation myth applied a lot to my childhood. This is personal information that I'm about to give out..
When I was in the third grade I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, and was put on a variety of medications, the first one being Ritalin. I had a psychiatrist that I saw at the time who asked me if I was distracted easily on the medication, or what I thought about me being on the medication. Ritalin not only made it harder for me to do well in school, but it made me suicidal. When I asked my mother about this, she said, "I didn't really like putting you on the medication, but it was for school, and I didn't know any better. The psychiatrist started telling me things that would make you better, but I didn't know what better meant. You were such a drone on that medicine, and when you would start to come off you would start mumbling really negative things about yourself. I would hear you say, 'I hate myself, I hate myself, I don't even know why I'm alive,' and it broke my heart. I really didn't know what to do, but they kept giving us different medications and I didn't know what would be better or not."
From this point on the psychiatrist told me that as long as I told myself positive things you would get better. Well.. fill in the blank, my condition did not get better, and I barely passed through almost every one of my grades. I had flash cards that would have encouraging phrases on them, and every night before going to sleep I was forced to say, "I am a good person, I am a good person," or phrases that encouraged my mindset. These phrases came to no avail, because I still felt depressed all the time.
Before entering O'Dea High School located in Seattle, WA, my mother gave me a choice. She told me I was old enough to decide for myself whether I wanted to be on medication or not. I told her I didn't want to be on the medication anymore. Second quarter of Freshmen year of high school I received my first honors certificate, a GPA of 3.5 or above. From there on I received honors for nearly every quarter.
So the moral of my story is, that self affirmation is not the only thing that you need to help yourself. Take it from me.
I appreciate you opening up about some very personal matters, that takes a lot of courage and confidence. I also commend you for making such a difficult decision - to stay on medication or to become yourself again - and sticking with it thus far. I believe our societies obsession with ADD, ADHD, and overzealous diagnosing of emotional disorders have proven to seriously harm our youth. I have no knowledge of what your personal circumstance was as a child, and I will not attempt to make any claims about it, but it seems to me that pharmaceutical companies are having quite the profitable field day at the expense of people's health and future.
ReplyDeleteWow! This is really powerful and personal!
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree that simply reciting self affirming phrases or reading positive flash cards can't cure someone's depression. There are deeper routes and more concrete fixes.
I wonder if there is anything that does work? Besides the reflection survey we discussed in class, there must be bonafied ways of feeling better about yourself.
I think you picked a really excellent topic!
Wow, thank you for sharing your candid and compelling story. Great job on overcoming those obstacles you had both academically and personally. I truly admire your courage and appreciate your level of commitment to the topic. Your blog can really uplift individuals who relate to your experience. :)
ReplyDeleteIt’s unfortunate that there are professionals that are misinformed/misguided and inadvertently perpetuate the myth. Your story really highlights the pervasiveness of a professional acting on a popular belief that can seriously impact a person’s development/potential. It so unsettling that your psychiatrist told you to think positive when you were so young. I’m really glad that you were able to cope and thrive despite the misleading information from your psychiatrist.
I wonder how word-of-mouth plays a role within the community of medical professionals since assumingly, maybe a group of experts might not readily critique or question a fellow peer’s statements. Imagined social agreement must also be a factor here.
Thank you guys for supporting me on this topic!
ReplyDelete@Rob- I definitely feel that way too when I reflect on all the medications I had to take. As for ADD and ADHD, I am a firm believer that they are both not real diagnoses. I think that younger children are energetic and easily distracted, and these especially shouldn't be symptoms for a disorder that does not exist.
@Emily- One thing that helped break my childhood depression was actual positive feedback from my parents as well as my psychiatrist. They told me to tell myself that I was a good person, but constantly I was given bad feedback from not being able to concentrate in school or get good grades.
@Marina- I think imagined social agreement and word of mouth was a huge factor in my situation. Although, psychiatrists I believe are not able to to talk to other patients about other patients. However, the imagine social agreement has to have a definitive role here because it makes sense, that's why it's a myth right?
Wow that was a really interesting story..thanks for sharing! You actually have a personal experience that may disprove your myth. Saying affirmative statements to yourself really didn't help you because it was the medications fault the entire time. I'm glad you made that choice to get off it. But I agree that saying affirmative statements to yourself does not really help when you are extremely depressed as your were. Personally, when I am really sad or upset about something, forcing positive things on me actually make it worse. I always just let my negative feeling pass, and then wait for myself to be ready for more positive emotions.
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